My Subconscious On A Frenzy
by ChapStickQueen
Summary: Bella Swan has gone through a lot. And when I say a lot, A LOT. But now she is moving into the city, Chicago. Who will she meet? Why is she there? and does she know why she is really there? BxE,RxEm,AxJ. The truth is waiting, will Bella find it?
1. Chapter 1

**Aloha, I'm ChapStickQueen, I'm not really new to fanfiction since I have been reading it for 2 years but, I am new to this account. I wouldn't mind reviews but when someone reviews and it discourages me to write any further, I get pretty pissed. Anyways, this is the Preface of my new story. **

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight and if I did well...lets just say Bella wouldn't have very great will-power against Edward's Sultry "Hottie With A Body" powers. :) **

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Closer

I remember it like it was yesterday, Dad holding my jacket out for me as I skipped to his side at my adolescent age of 8, still so unaware of the world I have come to know now. I kinda envy myself back then, never knowing what I do now and the destiny I enclose. Dad laughed and handed me my jacket as we walked down the overhang of the house and out into the street for our sunup walks. We passed a little out of town farm on the way back home and I stopped and stared at the animals, moving together in frenzy, not knowing exactly where they want to go or how they want to act. Dad stopped, too and walked back to me looking at the animals too.

"Undecided animals, aren't they?" Dad whispered, looking down at me in curiosity. I raised my eyebrow and looked at dad like he was crazy of course, I had no clue want he meant, but now I still wonder if he knew something all along.  
"Undecided?" I said bewildered at my Dad's prediction. He nodded and looked out onto the sun rising more and more as if he could make time pass.  
"Unclear, you could say. But, just remember this Bella, just because you're unclear or undecided or whatever, doesn't mean you can't go anywhere or be anything. It just means in the long run, it was worth nothing, and you'll have everything to lose. Even yourself."  
If only I had listened.


	2. Flashes and The Pantie Sorter

**Hi! Next chapter up! Reviews would be nice. **

**Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight but I just watched it and I must say... Edward slams doors with purpose. XD.**

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Flashes  
Inadequate - unable to deal with a situation or life

Maybe if I had been a little careful then, it wouldn't have happened. He'd still be here and not there, sleeping endlessly in a coffin in Forks. I have cried myself to sleep many times before this but moving to Chicago only feed my negative energy, the black aura swirling around me. I missed him, that was expected, but Dad never let me down. He'd always bring me lunch when I gave mine to the old bench lady at school, fix up my broken knee or read me to sleep. Either way, he was there and now he's gone. We were just walking on the side roads of La Push and then he was gone. Poof, Zip, Nada, He just disappeared and then 2 days later they found him dead, off the road 100 miles away. No one knows how he got there and they all look at me, expecting me to know. I wanted to know that too, I guess. After awhile, I was furious with whoever did this, thinking about how if I could have done the right thing at the right moment he could've lived.

But Aunt Jemma said different. She was into magic and witch craft which, I never seemed to get why but she said it was his time to go weather I or he liked it or not. As you can see she isn't the best company but that is where I am heading. To Chicago to live with Aunt Jemma. Mom wasn't in the picture, never has been and Dad didn't talk about her. He'd get quiet as a mouse and scurry back to his library, leaving me in silence every time I asked. Now I sorta wish I would have pushed it more. Maybe I'd know the truth, like I deserve, and like any daughter would if her mother left her.

******

We moved past all the people in the crowds outside of the Apartment complex as I gazed up to the colossal sky scrapers, suddenly missing all of Forks and Angela, who was my best friend. I watched as all the people around me waved in emotions… all looking forward and not back. Chicago seemed like my place, I thought, even though Forks was my home and there held all my past interests. The lingering smell of nachos and hot dogs crowded the avenue as we budge through the front complex doors and into the building. I gazed up in amazement as the walls extended high and the lights hanging low, dotting certain areas with light. People all around, kids alike, were laughing or giggling in some sort, enjoying their day and loving life. I sighed as I thought, It must be nice, to be able to freely enjoy life without something hanging over your shoulder.

"Jemma, this place is… crazy" I said dropping my bags on the ground and rubbing my head from all the buildings I had been seeing. I think that the new air is making me a loon. Jemma shook her head and rubbed my shoulders, glancing at the elevator before pulling my hand and zooming past an old couple and into the small space.

"B, you'll be fine. You'll live, here in Chicago at the academy. And as long as you don't wonder off and get—what do they say? Shacked?" she said looking at me, I laughed for the first time in a long time.

"Shanked, Jemma, Shanked." I said still giggling, which is the most I have done since the funeral. We entered a normal hall way on level—15 and grabbed my 5 bags. We pasted a few people including a Goth girl, some old man, and a perv looking guy. I bolt for the door as Jemma opened the house door and pushed me in. I looked around and sighed. A couple of couches and seats, a computer and a TV was sitting in this near dead looking room. I silently expected more from Jemma.

"Well, this is yours." Jemma said giving me the keys. I blinked and looked at her with amazement.

"Jemma, you can't mean.." I said holding my hand out for the keys.

"Well, since I am out a lot and go to work when the sun rises, I thought you'd want a room to yourself for when you come home from the academy" She said as she fingering the toaster cord and leaned against the counter. I smiled and hugged her.

"Thanks, Dad didn't trust me with a shovel, let alone a house key." I said into her shirt, sniffling. She stiffened as I hugged her tighter and she relaxed again. I let go and walked around the room, looking up and wiping the tears away.

"Bella, I...." Jemma started, but looked around awkwardly.

I waved her off, wiping away my tears, smiling sadly at her. "Well, go ahead... I have school, I'll take the subway, right?"

Jemma nodded and pushed a map my way, highlighted along the route that I needed to take.

"You'll go to Lake Forest Boarding School, It doesn't start till 12 today because of a subway repair. It should be fixed by then but if your iffy about that watch the News, channel 8. Uh, it's 10 right now. So, you should probably get ready." Jemma said as she walked to the back of the apartment, and coming back with a outfit bag.

"You... are you serious? A Uniform?" I said planting myself on the couch.

"Get up! You have 5 mins to get ready, it takes an hour to get there, go!" Jemma said pulling me into the bathroom, shoving the clothes into my hands and pulling the door behind me. I opened the bag and saw the skirt and formal tee and groaned.

"Yeah, yeah. Put on a skirt for boys to look under, sounds like a fantastic school." I mumbled pulling off my pants and pulling up the pantyhose and skirt. I threw my shirt into the bag and pulled on the formal tee. I looked down and snorted with anger laced into my tone. I pulled open the bathroom door and walked out, mad and looking up, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

"Aww, you look too cute. Now lets go" Jemma said fastly pushing Mary Janes my way and I scoffed and rolled my eyes and stepped into them.

"Thanks, book bag, Jemma?" I said looking around for nothing.

"Huh, Oh, Ooooh. Here. Now get a coat and lets go." Jemma said, handing me a messenger bag and ran out the door. I slipped on my Mom's jacket. Dad had kept it all theses years, when she left, she left her jacket. I put my head into the bag loop and fastened in to a long length and walked out the door, keys in hand and wishing uniforms and school leave my life as of now.

*******

I stood and got out of the train on the right times and I expected a school like this but lord.

Everyone was crowded around a giant table, gathering papers or talking to teachers or other students.

And they were all gorgeous.

Many were laughing or giggling, having a great first day. Across the wall of the square said "Welcome to Lake Forest Academy!". I sighed and grabbed my bag, walking away. I was reading the paper on the new letter and bugged out when it said Dorms. The list above it said all dorms will be filled by this Saturday with all of our students. I read all the way down the list and stopped in the middle of the hall way, stopping someone behind me and falling over.

"Walk, next time." Someone said pushing off me and walking down the halls and out the back door. I moaned as I cupped my head which I had hit. I was looking down when I heard high heels clacking down the hall and stopping in front of me. The Mary Janes looked more suitable on whoever this was and looked beautiful.

"Sorry!" The person said, putting out a hand and pulling me up. I locked eyes with a gray eyed pixie and was stunned at the strenght of this girl.

"My Brother is a dipwad who doesn't know anything, well he does but... a little too much if you know what I mean." She giggled as she straighten her purple fluff shirt and white skirt.

"You don't have to wear an uniform?!" I said blushing and grabbed my clothes in anger.

"NO, god no. When you live on campus you can wear whatever, are you gonna live on campus?" She said digging through her bag and handing out a key.

"Yeah, I am... I think." I said, picking up my bag and walking down the hall with her.

"I'm Alice by the way. Alice Cullen." Alice said, handing me a spare key. I blinked as she sat it down in my hand.

"What's this?" I said, looking at her in confusion.

"All my friends have keys to my room, I know people and we will be BFFLEOADC." She said smiling.

"Uhmmm, what?" I said giggling.

"Best Friends For Life Even On A Dorm Campus." Alice said smiling and stopping at a dorm.

"This is mine, Umm, Bella don't mind my brother. He's complicated." Alice said throwing her purse onto the door handle.

"That was your brother?" I said stiffing.

"Yeah, I love him. But he has some sort of wild thorn bush stem up his ass. Just don't mind him, like I said."

"Sure, but for future reference, what's his name?" I said pulling my bag tighter.

"Edward." and she closed the door.

******

I walked into the main office, shaken. I hoped today would be a great day but so far, it has been the worst. On the up side, I made a new friend, Alice. But now as I walk out to the dorm rooms after speaking to Jemma, I am afraid of who my room mate could possibly be. I am lugging about 20 pounds of pencils, clothes, decor, and books to room 325, which I have yet to find.

I studied the halls and places while pulling my things through the halls. I just couldn't really picture myself living here, with all these beautiful people. I simply did not belong. I passed a few more doors and got to a blue one marked 325 and breathing in deeply.

Okay, Bella, you've got this. You can mingle, you can sleep in the same room with an unknown person, you can do whatevgorer. Because your Bella Swan, and we all know that.... _Oh Whatever._ I blushed in anger and annoyance. I pushed the door open and looked around to see the walls in this dorm room are obscured entirely by floor to ceiling bookshelves. A warm gust comes through an open window, stirring the bright yellow curtains. I breathed in the Chicago air. I pushed my bags to a empty dull bed and looked around while sitting down.

I looked at the bathroom door and decided that putting my things away would pass some time. Holding a pairs of underwear, I start stuffing them in. When I held up a lacy pair Aunt Jemma had packed, the door swung open.

"Oh, Rosie, I love your room. Dude, look there is a pantie sorter too!" A huge guy said storming in and laying down many red bags. I looked around, confused.

"Hey I'm Emmett but you probably knew that." Emmett said sticking out a beef hand. I looked down at his hand and back up.

"I see...uh. Anti-Social?" Emmett said drawing back his hand and rubbing his head. I blushed in embrassment and stood up.

"Ummm, I'm Bella, the room-mate..." I said, looking around at the room.

"Aughhh!" screamed a voice out in the hall way. Two little kids ran down the hall way with toy guns randomly screaming "Take Evasive Action!" and rolling down the hall.

"I swear... those.. those, weirdos better watch their backs. Those toys guns will be going somwhere I swear..." mumbled a gorgeous blond standing in the hall way with hair everywhere on her head and her shirt slightly pushed down to expose her shoulder. I looked down and moved my stuff over and under the dresser, while she advanced toward me.

"Hi, I'm Rosalie. Your room mate, obviously. Rule 1. Don't touch my clothes, ever. Unless you wanna get jumped. Rule 2. Never, I repeat ever, touch Fluffbumkins." Rosalie said, totally serious.

"Er... Fluffbumkins? Isn't that like a...?" I said giggling, Emmett cracked up in the corner of the room and did the whole 'Shut up and you won't die' signal, noting to myself to never make fun of Fluffbumkins again.

"No, it's not a hairy ass! God, you know how many times I hear that?!" Rosalie said, stuffing Fluffbumkins into her bag and looking around.

_**BEEEEP!**_

_**All Students are to stay in their rooms for the day, the snow is falling which will resort in a holiday. If you are not in your rooms go there now and stay in. Have a Great Packing Day!**_

I sighed as I looked around, big eyed. I guess I'll get to know Rosalie better.

Insert dramatic sigh here.

Rosalie and I looked at each other as I felt my walls around me breaking.

She could she right through me. I have been through this before, where many people I see in the streets or stores stop and share a moment with me. They have been through this sadness, hate, and self-blame before. I just needed my own place where no one could find out the truth.

About how my Dad disappeared.

How my Mom didn't care for me.

And how I had to move here.

But no, from this time on I will stand my ground and not give into everybody like I have all my therapists, they don't care.

I stood up and walked out of the room a few minutes later, snow shoes on and tugging out into the snow and planting myself under a tree. I watched as the snow fell onto little drops on my hands and I cried, without looking up, for the first time in a long time.

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**Extra Depressing Chapter, Eh?**

**Gonna get some? Some as in Edward soon, you might ask.... YES! **

**Be prepared my loves... you will love whats coming at yah!**

**You see that green button with the words REVIEW? Yeah, well whore that button. XD.**


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